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Nikki Graham > Shawns Testimony
I have something on my heart after my last ‪#‎scNOTadrugaddict‬post I feel compelled to tell a piece of my own story. At least 9-10 years ago I was put on METHADONE, one of the strongest meds used for pain out there not due to its "euphoric" feeling like opiods such as morphine,vicodin,dilaudid etc... Methadone trumps all the previous meds because it runs off different receptors of the brain which means you can take all the drugs in the world but if you don't specifically take that med YOU'RE going into withdrawal (I wasn't told this at the time)., its even used to get people off hard drugs like Heroin. I was told to take this between my Vicodin so I could take less acetimoniphen and started on a HUGE dose of 50mg every 8 hours which totals 150mg A DAY!!! (that's a lot BTW and I NEVER should have been started on a dose as ridiculously high as this..hindsight IS 20/20 though )!! Believing my DR , being young I foolishly did no research and being told only that this was a pain med and NOTHING ELSE about it I did as I was told, I mean they do things in my best medical interest and ive taken pain meds all my life with no problem since they have ALWAYS been as needed and I had no addiction to them because of this, Right ???WRONG!!! . Ive taken pain meds as I need them NEVER on a daily regimen (there's that 20/20 hindsight again) .
For about 5 years things went great then all of a sudden pharmacies couldn't get it here in Orlando anymore.NOT being a DRUG ADDICT I thought it was no harm in missing several doses until the pharmacies could get it in and I would be fine, being that it was a pain med and I take the vicodin as needed and don't even take it everyday without issues it should be okay to miss the methadone just the same way . I started getting SO SICK about two days later and thought it to be because of my SICKLE CELL ,maybe it it was the Flu and I could whether the storm it would just be a little harder then other people's flu but I was prepared so I thought. I ALWAYS fight going to the hospital with all my being ,because it was and still is a struggle to be believed that I was in pain at all, they told me it was all in my head, I was lying . Even though my hematologist would put me on ALL these pain meds at home and trust me in office I NEVER ask for meds early in fact my meds last OVER the time it should yet..... Id get admitted to the hospital (which an ER physician cant do without proof there is a need for you to be there )so my blood work would have to show plainly and obviously IM IN CRISIS, blood doesnt lie and I nor can a scientist make that happen. But when I was under another admitting dr all of a sudden I'm a liar and she'd believe them over me though she saw me in office EVERY WEEK ,knew me as a patient, even saw my labs she'd take the attending physicians side because he was a Dr and I wasn't, so I was labeled everything from a drug addict to a liar and because of the stress my disease ONLY got worse.
It was really hard to go through so even when I knew I needed to go I wouldn't, I even still have trouble with this today. ..I waited four days before I was made to go to the hospital thks to Sharon Edwards and Denzel Garcia I could hardly stand or even breathe its sad to say I let myself get to this point all because of the fear of Drs, being labeled,stereotypes etc and as a person as sick as I am its awful to fear the one place EVERYONE goes for physical help..the hospital.
Long story short we get there and I'm thinking it probably is an upper respiratory infection or pneumonia all of which Im used to and is normal. The Dr comes in and says kindly and abruptly ms Graham the left side of your HEART has completely failed and you're in Congestive Heart Failure /CHF (basically internally drowning in my own fluids)!!!! Wait WHAT???!!!! I couldn't believe it, that was my first heart failure. My Dr comes in and starts asking all these questions she finally gets to "when's the last time you took your methadone" I say 5 days now. Turns out the WHOLE Heart failure stemmed from that medicine METHADONE. I went into full withdrawal unknowingly and the stress failed my already weakened heart and caused the CHF. She then told me this is NOT a med that you can just stop taking its way stronger than I ever imagined .....I soon learned that whether I wanted to take this med or not, I had to my body over the years gained a dependence which is TOTALLY different from ADDICTION (dependence is your body getting used to a med from repeated use, DRUG ADDICTION is purposely taking meds or drugs because you WANT to , at least at first anyway. So DRUG ADDICT is the last word to describe what I was going through) and it happens to LOTS of WARRIORS please know there's a difference and you aren't what they say you are.My dosage was so high if I didn't continue after my heart was better it would fail again. if I wanted off it would be a slow process and it takes people YEARS to kick the dosage I was on. Thus far it looks to me that IM NOT A DRUG ADDICT but Drs incorrectly put me on a med they knew my body would get dependent upon without me knowing, it was inevitable , seems like theyre prescribing meds then making US the patients be at fault, yet we are supposed to be "the bad, sterotype drug seeking addict patients"???
Over the next couple years my Dr kept me on a steady dose and much because of fear I stayed on it. Slowly but surely getting the drug got worse until finally the very Drs who put me on it AND told me it can and WILL cause heart failure when abruptly stopped says, its. too much trouble writing for this med we don't want to write for it anymoreand ABRUPTLY STOPPED writing scripts IMMEDIATELY, I was on my own with only 89 pills!! Well where does that leave me??
That was just December 2015 they said you can't drop the doses too quick, but guess what I've done it! They said my heart would fail,its strong , I now take half a pill two times a day that's a total of 10 MG!!!!!! From 150MG /15 pills per day and plan to be OFF COMPLETELY by mid February!!!!! They said I couldn't, I CAN, They said I'd die I'm STILL STANDING!! they said I WANTED these drugs I NEVER DID I only wanted to be better!!And due to insurance and Drs I've done it ALL BY MYSELF no rehab, no counseling JUST ME AND GOD! He works, and he heals if you want it enough you CAN DO ANY THING!!! Don't let stereotypes,Drs, nurses, or stares shake your foundation. I finally figured out I REALLY CAN do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!! By me doing this I'm breaking the bonds and chains of every stare,every Dr that said I'm lying, every nurse who said you're not in pain, for EVERY PERSON that looked down on me because of the way God made me as if the choice was my own!!! 2016 is my RESTORATION year I'm restoring EVERYTHING in me that the Devil tried to take away through ALL the things above. For anyone who's tired I understand just know there is healing in the name of Jesus and all of the above shall pass things WILL get better! "Remember a beautiful flower can't be made without pushing through a whole lot of dirt and soaking up lots of rain, but there is sunshine that's also needed and the ending product is ALWAYS pure beauty"
‪#‎SCWARRIOR‬ ‪#‎SCSOWAT‬ ‪#‎CHFSOWAT‬ ‪#‎HEARTFAILUREX2SOWAT‬ ‪#‎Neverquit‬ 🏾🏾🏾👼🏾👼🏾

The building of a SOLDIER Pt.1

 

Hi All, its a complete honor and priviledge thanks to Shawns Testimony to share my stories and know that they could be helping someone not to mention healing me in the process. To know me you have to understand past present and future so I'll be blogging some real heartfelt stories over the next couple weeks and would love them to be shared to as many people as you can possibly touch. I never thought that anyone would want to know about me but after the outpour of love and support just for speaking upon my own behalf it really stirred something in me that I can be a tool used to help my SC warriors, families, friends etc to remain strong no matter the mountain they may be facing and or climbing at this point. This experience im sharing is to show God is able and faith the size of a mustard seed can REALLY move mountains.

Being a warrior with SC requires the ability to get acclimated quicker than others as well as triumph through all your adversities trials and tribulations while some peers are still wallowing in self pity and doubt instead of getting up and taking a stand. Now im not saying that we are better then ANYONE by all means ,what I AM saying is with this disease comes so MANY obstacles and often in rapid succession which leaves US to pick up the pieces of our broken life, bodies, pride , integrity etc and immediately start getting out our super glue and starting to put that puzzle right back together again even better than the first time, without even a second thought. This doesn't mean we arent scared or angry at times when the disease and life itself is a little much what it means is we arent afraid to fall, a scraped knee , or of a little pain, all that makes for thicker skin. SC really helps you see your strength and resilience when going through the toughest and most painful of times yet it humbles you,gives you the ability to identify what you should be doing, and what you were sent here to do all while there's hellfire and brimstone all around, we were built to withstand the most pressure and make it look easy. We can think and work through problems because of the sheer pain, we go through DAILY. Once you know and see that failure isn't an option because you believe in yourself and know God puts no more on you than you can bare and that you ARE a warrior you begin to change a situation thats so bad into a GREAT opportunity, you start having the thoughts of "hey ive been through worse I can do this thing called life." No matter the amount of times we fall, we stand right back up with our head high after EVERY stumble, crisis, mistake, etc. Overcoming your adversities has nothing to do with coming into a situation with all the courage, know how, being a super hero, or even how long you stay looking at the ground you have fallen upon. You overcome adversities by how quickly you can get up learn from any mistake that may have been overlooked and you give it another shot. No matter what we all know and cherish the true value of life first hand, terminal illnesses show you these things front and center and we learn and value the lessons as we often just don't have the same amount of time as others so we are always forced to get things very quickly. SC instills this in ALL of us warriors in pain, we cherish life, and want nothing more than whats "normal" of a "regular" person to have. We've been such good overcomers because this disease allows you and gives no choice but to bust through obstacles and believe in yourself when no one does. Its you, God, and you ONLY this teaches that we CAN and often supercede our own thoughts and goals for ourselves, I know this firsthand and began learning it way before adulthood.

One of the biggest adversities, that I've been through happened around the age of 19 (well a little before but after getting my diploma). Up until around this age my SC was the best it'd been in life since around 15 and I would work in the summer to make enough to do for myself. I have ALWAYS been extremely independent and loved the fact that even this young I could take care of myself and loved doing so. My first year in highschool (age 15) was great and I decided nows the time to get a REAL job and work during school. I figured I'll be doing this as an adult so I should get prepped and ready for adulthood lol. So there's a Burger king right across the street from my neighborhood AND I passed it daily walking home from school. Every day I would go in and talk to the manager I wanted him to know I was serious and that I wanted this job so bad and I could be a great asset to the BK chain. Only problem was I was still 15, well I didn't want him to forget about me so daily over 6 months or so I still came and talked to Lew the manager who finally said YES!!!( Talk about perseverance and dedication lol ) Idk if this was because he figured out I had 3.5 more years of school which is 3.5 more years of me tormenting him EVERY DAY at least that's with me going off to college if not he had years to come with good ole Nikki G. and he knew it. Or maybe he saw something in my persistence either way I GOT THE JOB!!! I was totally ecstatic and promised he wouldn't be sorry so as soon as I turned 16 I was hired on as a cashier. Now at this point in my life I must've thought I was super woman I went to school, honor society meets directly after the last bell, I went to cheerleading practice, and then walked to BK working from 5-10pm 5 days a week. I did my homework on break and had a boyfriend which would often come on my break to get in some quality time. I LOVED working and having my own independence, I bought ALL my own clothes, shoes, kept my nails and hair done, and paid my cell bill too (well technically my bf did but he wanted to I didn't ask, I had no issue paying for myself). Life was wonderful then 3 years later (age 18) I started becoming sick and not feeling like myself I go to the Dr and YEP im pregnant. It was SOOOO scary for me though over the next several months my pregnancy went fine and I was going to have a healthy young man I thought. 5 months in I got pretty sick and had to be hospitalized turns out I had an infection and a bad one. I stayed for one week and the drs said after that I was clear to go home. Now me JUST getting into the adult SC world with no help (pediatrics literally kicked me out and wouldnt even give me a referral for a new physician all because of me being pregnant). So first time taken care of as an adult and im getting ready to go home but notice they arent sending me home withANY antibiotics, I was NEVER even told I was a high risk pregnancy and wasn't getting the care I needed at that time I didn't know it though. I asked for antibiotics and explained my infections tend to come back at home without at least a few days continuation, they refused. A week later I have a fever I call the office and they say they can't see me for A WEEK!!!(UES a week with a high risk pregnancy ARGH;) So I tried to tough it out 3 days later I was so bad my boyfriend had to take me to the hospital. The Dr comes in and says "Ms Graham we're sorry to tell you but your son is deceased," ....
WHAT?!?!? No way I told them he was just moving and it was explained he was floating and had been for 2 days. I was CRUSHED not to mention I had to do 76 hrs of labor, no epidural, and oh they couldn't enduce for another 9 days due to me being in crisis so I held him for 11 DAYS deceased and went home with NO BABY!! (This is the short version I'll be making a video about this as its near and dear to my heart and if you want to learn more about the situation and the BABY FULL story comment and let me know it'll be posted to my newly created YOUTUBE PG). 

After losing my son my body went CRAZY I was in the hospital every other week. I could now no longer work and felt like life had just been snatched from beneath my feet. In that time BK of course let me go but I didn't give up. I started looking to work from home being that my health was so bad I could BARELY leave it anyway and I knew I wouldn't be able to work an outside job in this condition. I did lots if research and came accross a company that started specifically for the disabled to work from home and I gave it a shot. Of course I was skeptical and everyone said its fake or I'll never see a check but I trusted my gut and God ...it paid off!! Within the next 6 weeks I completed training for a company in CA and did customer service ALL right in my house even the training and got paid bi weekly (while maintaining SSI I know some have trouble figuring this out, I did). It was like a little light at the end of a deep dark tunnel. I continued to work and learn the business I then actually did so well I became an affiliate of this company and started my own Incorporation a couple years later. I now actually help get people with and without disabilities REAL legitimate positions with fortune 500 companies all interested in having contractors learn their company via computer training and answering calls via their own house phone. I took that awful situation and the need to survive to push that mountain out of my way. My company to this day has a special place for those that want to work (EVEN WITH SSI or SSID). It's more than possible, as I said sometimes we even supersede our own expectations and with this I did. I've been affiliated in this business almost 10 years now and have NEVER worked for anyone BUT myself since the age of 18-19 believe it or not. God really has blessed me in my life though I've gone through some stuff but the good book says "To whom much is given much is required" and I understand it so much more now.

Remember NO matter what, God assigns your destiny and theres NOTHING you can do about it thats why the saying is "Your career is what youre paid for, but your calling is what you are made for" You are the ONLY you and there will NEVER be another. we ALL have a purpose and Its terrifying to face sometimes, especially when you don't quite know what it is just yet... but know that "courage is only the evolution of fear the aftermath is YOU in a triumphant victory" Turning bad into better and something GREAT! Once you really let go, know yourself and your SC and understand mistakes and pain will happen but still decide no matter what you'll ALWAYS get back up again. To think SC and fear starts the WHOLE process to greatness!

"Don't just look at the glass half empty remember there's still water in it."💯💜

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