May. 1, 2016

SCDLIFE is difficult ALONE but what choice did i have then?

It was very scary! Being alone and away from home dealing with this illness on a whole NOTHA level had me going crazy. Never wanted to call home because I thought this is what failure was. I didn't want to worry my parents or go back home so I chose to do it on my own. Worst mistake EVER because having support can cut mistreatment in half! Going ALONE to the ER makes staff question your truth even more than usual! The PREMEDITATION of how to present myself when sick was my reaction to how I was treated and NOT BECAUSE I CRAVED DRUGS! I LITERALLY STARTED FEELING WHAT THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY LABELED ME TO BE THO! I felt like an addict because WHO ELSE WOULD THINK ABOUT HOW THEY LOOK OR ACT IN THEIR PRESENCE?! I didn't know better and I laid the blame on me! The many times when I made the decision to not go to the hospital was THAT FEELING OF SHAME! MISPLACED SHAME COULD HAVE KILLED ME!