Hey everyone. With this being one of my first posts I was hoping that I could start out on more of a positive note and ease ya’ll in to learning about me. That being said, this is a personal blog. This is my online journal and I’m here basically to bare my soul. So, my soul has been hurting the past couple of days and here’s why…
I’m an only child, and because of this I have considered my sisters and brothers to be my very close friends and/or cousins. One cousin in particular I’ve been extremely close to. She knows my darkest secrets and my deepest fears, and I know hers as well. Recently, I’ve found that she is constantly putting me down and trying to lecture me about my life from a place of negativity and meanness. I’ve overlooked it a few times and tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps, I was just being sensitive? Maybe she thought she was actually helping me somehow. Instead of nipping it in the bud, I let it linger, and build up internally… which was wrong of me. So yesterday, she starts in again and right aways I let her have it.
I’m sure this came as a shock to her because I’m known for always being the nice one in the family, read: passive. So as soon as I assert myself and let folks know when they are offending me, then I become the bad guy. I won’t go into all the gory details because that would just be exhausting, but what I will say is that instead of acknowledging her insensitivity or apologizing for hurting my feelings, she began to belittle and disparage me. Of course, my anger grew and my hurt deepened. Regardless of the petty childishness she was sending my way, I refused and still refuse to stoop to her level. I will not disrespect the bond that we once had or divulge things to others that she told me in confidence simply because she has hurt my feelings beyond repair.
The deeper theme of this post, is growth and positivity. I have been on a new path of positivity, self discovery, self love, and taking leaps of faith toward my dreams. Starting this blog being one of those dreams. So it is so sad to me that now that I am improving my outlook on life as well as walking the path that I feel God is directing me along, all of a sudden I have opposition and hate and negativity flying out the woodworks aiming at my head! Apparently, I must be doing something right. I do not believe in coincidence and even if I did, I would know that it is no coincidence that I’m being tried and tested by waves of negativity when my purpose is to be all about positivity now. The old ones say that family will hurt you quicker than a stranger off the streets. I was always reluctant to believe that and I still don’t think that refers to any family as a whole, mine or otherwise. But I must admit, there are a few characters in my family that deserve the title “enemy” more than “relative”.
Wishing you peace and positivity….