Jan. 29, 2016


Nikki Graham > Shawns Testimony
I have something on my heart after my last ‪#‎scNOTadrugaddict‬post I feel compelled to tell a piece of my own story. At least 9-10 years ago I was put on METHADONE, one of the strongest meds used for pain out there not due to its "euphoric" feeling like opiods such as morphine,vicodin,dilaudid etc... Methadone trumps all the previous meds because it runs off different receptors of the brain which means you can take all the drugs in the world but if you don't specifically take that med YOU'RE going into withdrawal (I wasn't told this at the time)., its even used to get people off hard drugs like Heroin. I was told to take this between my Vicodin so I could take less acetimoniphen and started on a HUGE dose of 50mg every 8 hours which totals 150mg A DAY!!! (that's a lot BTW and I NEVER should have been started on a dose as ridiculously high as this..hindsight IS 20/20 though )!! Believing my DR , being young I foolishly did no research and being told only that this was a pain med and NOTHING ELSE about it I did as I was told, I mean they do things in my best medical interest and ive taken pain meds all my life with no problem since they have ALWAYS been as needed and I had no addiction to them because of this, Right ???WRONG!!! . Ive taken pain meds as I need them NEVER on a daily regimen (there's that 20/20 hindsight again) . 
For about 5 years things went great then all of a sudden pharmacies couldn't get it here in Orlando anymore.NOT being a DRUG ADDICT I thought it was no harm in missing several doses until the pharmacies could get it in and I would be fine, being that it was a pain med and I take the vicodin as needed and don't even take it everyday without issues it should be okay to miss the methadone just the same way . I started getting SO SICK about two days later and thought it to be because of my SICKLE CELL ,maybe it it was the Flu and I could whether the storm it would just be a little harder then other people's flu but I was prepared so I thought. I ALWAYS fight going to the hospital with all my being ,because it was and still is a struggle to be believed that I was in pain at all, they told me it was all in my head, I was lying . Even though my hematologist would put me on ALL these pain meds at home and trust me in office I NEVER ask for meds early in fact my meds last OVER the time it should yet..... Id get admitted to the hospital (which an ER physician cant do without proof there is a need for you to be there )so my blood work would have to show plainly and obviously IM IN CRISIS, blood doesnt lie and I nor can a scientist make that happen. But when I was under another admitting dr all of a sudden I'm a liar and she'd believe them over me though she saw me in office EVERY WEEK ,knew me as a patient, even saw my labs she'd take the attending physicians side because he was a Dr and I wasn't, so I was labeled everything from a drug addict to a liar and because of the stress my disease ONLY got worse.
It was really hard to go through so even when I knew I needed to go I wouldn't, I even still have trouble with this today. ..I waited four days before I was made to go to the hospital thks to Sharon Edwards and Denzel Garcia I could hardly stand or even breathe its sad to say I let myself get to this point all because of the fear of Drs, being labeled,stereotypes etc and as a person as sick as I am its awful to fear the one place EVERYONE goes for physical help..the hospital.
Long story short we get there and I'm thinking it probably is an upper respiratory infection or pneumonia all of which Im used to and is normal. The Dr comes in and says kindly and abruptly ms Graham the left side of your HEART has completely failed and you're in Congestive Heart Failure /CHF (basically internally drowning in my own fluids)!!!! Wait WHAT???!!!! I couldn't believe it, that was my first heart failure. My Dr comes in and starts asking all these questions she finally gets to "when's the last time you took your methadone" I say 5 days now. Turns out the WHOLE Heart failure stemmed from that medicine METHADONE. I went into full withdrawal unknowingly and the stress failed my already weakened heart and caused the CHF. She then told me this is NOT a med that you can just stop taking its way stronger than I ever imagined .....I soon learned that whether I wanted to take this med or not, I had to my body over the years gained a dependence which is TOTALLY different from ADDICTION (dependence is your body getting used to a med from repeated use, DRUG ADDICTION is purposely taking meds or drugs because you WANT to , at least at first anyway. So DRUG ADDICT is the last word to describe what I was going through) and it happens to LOTS of WARRIORS please know there's a difference and you aren't what they say you are.My dosage was so high if I didn't continue after my heart was better it would fail again. if I wanted off it would be a slow process and it takes people YEARS to kick the dosage I was on. Thus far it looks to me that IM NOT A DRUG ADDICT but Drs incorrectly put me on a med they knew my body would get dependent upon without me knowing, it was inevitable , seems like theyre prescribing meds then making US the patients be at fault, yet we are supposed to be "the bad, sterotype drug seeking addict patients"??? 
Over the next couple years my Dr kept me on a steady dose and much because of fear I stayed on it. Slowly but surely getting the drug got worse until finally the very Drs who put me on it AND told me it can and WILL cause heart failure when abruptly stopped says, its. too much trouble writing for this med we don't want to write for it anymoreand ABRUPTLY STOPPED writing scripts IMMEDIATELY, I was on my own with only 89 pills!! Well where does that leave me?? 
That was just December 2015 they said you can't drop the doses too quick, but guess what I've done it! They said my heart would fail,its strong , I now take half a pill two times a day that's a total of 10 MG!!!!!! From 150MG /15 pills per day and plan to be OFF COMPLETELY by mid February!!!!! They said I couldn't, I CAN, They said I'd die I'm STILL STANDING!! they said I WANTED these drugs I NEVER DID I only wanted to be better!!And due to insurance and Drs I've done it ALL BY MYSELF no rehab, no counseling JUST ME AND GOD! He works, and he heals if you want it enough you CAN DO ANY THING!!! Don't let stereotypes,Drs, nurses, or stares shake your foundation. I finally figured out I REALLY CAN do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!! By me doing this I'm breaking the bonds and chains of every stare,every Dr that said I'm lying, every nurse who said you're not in pain, for EVERY PERSON that looked down on me because of the way God made me as if the choice was my own!!! 2016 is my RESTORATION year I'm restoring EVERYTHING in me that the Devil tried to take away through ALL the things above. For anyone who's tired I understand just know there is healing in the name of Jesus and all of the above shall pass things WILL get better! "Remember a beautiful flower can't be made without pushing through a whole lot of dirt and soaking up lots of rain, but there is sunshine that's also needed and the ending product is ALWAYS pure beauty"